


Till I Let You Go

by soodeliciousoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Domestic, Heavy Angst, M/M, Marriage, Partner Betrayal, Top Zhang Yi Xing | Lay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 18:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soodeliciousoo/pseuds/soodeliciousoo
Summary: Yixing disagreed to Junmyeon's plan of filing a divorce against him.





	Till I Let You Go

The banging sound of the bed was the sound of the torture playing on his ears. The moaning and crying, the craving sounds of pleasure. The satisfactory sounds they released when the juice of their craving desire went out. Yixing's throat tightened, he stood up and searched for a place where the sounds were inaudible to hear.  
Junmyeon enjoyed every thrust and kissed from the stranger on top of him. Leaving marks and scratches in every corner of his skin, the red colored marks had become a taint in their marriage.

 

Yixing was about to finish the book he had been reading for weeks when he decide to move to the kitchen to avoid the moaning and banging sounds of the two bodies sharing flames together. He couldn't take it. The sounds were travelling deep down on his veins, a lethal poison floating together with his blood, cells and other particles. It had already reached his heart slowly killing it, draining his patience and love kept in there. He thought he was used of seeing Junmyeon bringing different guys every night. 

He was sipping his coffee silently in his new found sanctuary with his book opened when suddenly the words written became foreign to him. With his inability to interpret the message, he closed the book. He was reading about the rules and step to make the marriage last longer. He thought the rules were so impossible to follow, especially on his case. Yixing sighed, contemplating if he should do it or not, but how, when Junmyeon was not around always.  
He could barely feel his presence, especially his love. Junmyeon’s promises and love worn out as they pass through time but his love stayed the same, pure and stainless.  
He could vaguely remember when the moist of blatant betrayal blurred their relationship.  
Was it when Junmyeon came home late always? Last month? Last year? The only picture that kept in playing on his mind was the first time he saw a strange guy screwing his husband on their own bed, the bed where their blazing love and desire was first plotted.  
Things got tangled when he made a decision for them. 

"Why? How could you this to me." Cliché questions coming from Yixing, you may have heard it from different series, soap operas or books but it required lots of thinking and validation. It might hard to serve logical and reasonable answers in a platter, sometimes. 

Yixing looked at him directly through his eyes, straight down to his soul and heart. Those pair of eyes could tell what he really felt about.  
"I don't know," Junmyeon shrugged, receiving the hot melting stares from his husband. His answers were one of the bad moves of the game. One wrong move could be the end of their marriage but he had to and he was anticipating for that, it was the thing he had been waiting for. "I am bored and I don't love you anymore." His answers were truthfully painful.

Yixing slowly bowed down his head preventing the pearl shaped liquid from falling off his eyes. "What do you want me to do to stop you from being bored? Tell me!"He pleaded, his voice were breaking like pieces of weak twigs. His bones were shaking. The stares he had given to Junmyeon before were changed to an eye of weaknesses and longing.  
The mere idea of losing Junmyeon frightened him.  
"You don't have to do anything. Filing a divorce would do. Let's call this marriage off." Junmyeon suggested. And from that moment, an indescribable pain started hitting his chest. He clutched his hands trying to calm his self while watching Junmyeon disappeared away from his sight.

"No. You can have all the guys you want please just don't call this marriage off. I still love you…Please just stay. "  
And that was the dumbest decision he had ever made. Desperation as we say it, driving his mind and heart.

Junmyeon stopped. "If that’s what you want, but I am telling you it would only bring a damage and massive pain to you. Letting go would be your best option."Junmyeon warned him. He wanted to disagree, but Yixing seemed so adamant with his idea. The emotions painted on Yixing visage were enough to tell how immovable his decisions were. Junmyeon could saw the desperation.

"No! Please! Let it be this way. At least I could still see you every day."  
Without thinking thoroughly he let another impulsive decision slipped through out of his mouth easily. 

"Okay. If that's what you want." Junmyeon finally agreed plainly without any stipulation and stormed outside the kitchen.

Yixing was staring at his back while making his way out, he had missed him, he yearned to enveloped Junmyeon's body in his arms, the blazing heat of their love and body.

 

**

Yixing flipped another page of the book. He was halfway done of the story he had been trying to digest for several weeks. The aroma of the newly made coffee lingered around his temporary sanctuary. There were no sounds of betrayal neither the tune of the product of his impulsive decision. Silences invaded the whole spaces.  
"Xing!"  
He stumbled upon hearing Junmyeon called his voice. It felt so different, there was a sudden happiness sprouted in his heart. It had been months since the last time Junmyeon called him by his name. He couldn't even distinctly remember the exact month.  
"Myeon, what can I help you?" Yixing's voice was hinted with sadness and longing. He closed the book and gave his full attention to Junmyeon who was carrying bags in his both hands. 

"I just came here to say goodbye." Yixing wondered. "Where are you going? On a vacation?"  
Where exactly should he go in the middle of the night?  
‘’Do you want me to go with you?’’ He faked a laugh.  
"I'm sorry but no." Junmyeon shook his head while putting the bags down.  
Yixing felt something wrong. He could sense it. The way Junmyeon released his words, the tune of it is calling for something painful. Tears were forming in the corner of his eyes. He blinked them away. He calmed himself and took a deep breath. "What goodbye are you talking about?"

 

"I'm leaving for good." His heart leaped. Yixing stood up and drank the remaining coffee on his cup. He tightened his grip around the cup and pounded it on his head with the hope that this was just a dream. Tears were shining on his eyes, preparing to fall.

"I'm sorry, Xing."

Yixing shook his head. "What are you being sorry about?” He pounded his head again and again. It didn't hurt him. He felt nothing.

Junmyeon dropped the bags and stopped him. "Please! Stop torturing yourself." He took the cup out of Yixing hands and put it on the table and hugged him.

Yixing's heart was beating too fast. This is really the day he had been praying not to come.  
"Why do you have to leave?" His voice broke, a painful weep was released. "I already allowed you to bring all the guys you want--."  
Junmyeon cut him off. "I cannot do this anymore. I am such a dick for making you suffer. You are too good for me," There was a sudden remorse in Junmyeon's words. It was a breed of realization and truth. "I cannot hurt you anymore. Yes, I might not love you anymore but I cannot constantly hurt and feed you with betrayal and pain.’’ He hugged Yixing tightly trying him to felt the blazing sincerity of what he felt. Yixing cried silently, savoring the pain served by Junmyeon.  
"It is okay for me, Myeon. You don't have to worry. Seeing you happy with them is my happiness."  
How funny it is sometimes when the person you love the most is feeding you pain and misery and you are willing to swallow it wholly.

"That's one big bullshit! How can be that thing okay! Sometimes, I just brought some guys here to make you realize and give you reasons to leave me. But you did not, because you are too kind and dumb."  
Months of torture Yixing endured that. His decision battered him up but the idea of leaving or making Junmyeon leave didn’t even occur to him."I'm not kind and yes, I am dumb because I love you."

"Then I do not deserve your love," Junmyeon cupped Yixing's face and looked him straight into his eyes.

"Please! Stop giving all your love to a wrong person, to me, because you end up losing yourself. You are so precious to me, Xing." He planted a goodbye kiss on Yixing's lips. Junmyeon loosen the hug and left, leaving Yixing bathing with his own tears. The kisses and hugs were his goodbye gifts.  
Junmyeon thought leaving Yixing would free him from pain then he was wrong, it would chain Yixing up forever. Yixing didn't know the word "letting go".

‘’If you ever change your mind and decided to come back just remember I will always be here," Tears were racing down on his cheeks. ‘’You may now go, Myeon.”  
He felt hopeless. Yixing freely let go of Junmyeon. There's nothing he can do to make him stay. He got tired of everything. The rope he had been holding was giving him too much pain. There were no places for another sheet of scars on his hands. 

Junmyeon nodded his head. "And if you ever plan to love again please don't give your heart a whole. Leave something for yourself. Never give away your heart, just lend it to them so you can get it back whenever you want."  
And he left. Yixing was hoping Junmyeon to turn his back and will realize that he still loves him. 

Yixing charily closed the door. The creaking sound of the door was the only music played around the house. It was empty, only his heart and the house.  
Every wall was filled with hanging portraits. Their miles were evidently flashing on their face. The temporary happiness that had been captured was left meaningless.  
He roamed his eyes around and closed his eyes. "This place has served me some bittersweet memories. This place won't be the same without you." Words referring to his (former) lover.  
Memories were trying to get in. He could see the shadows of their yesterday, goofing around the house. Every corner of this house was filled with laughter and love. He wanted to cry but he stopped himself from doing it. There was no use of drowning himself in pain and misery.  
He released a deep sigh, thinking if he could start a new life alone. Happiness would probably be missing on his vocabulary for now.


End file.
